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As the winter season continues, I find myself reflecting on the darker months and the impact they have had on my mindset.
It’s during this time that I often feel inclined to share something personal rather than professional, and I believe many others can relate to this sentiment. So, I’ve decided to open up and journal about a concept that I’ve been pondering lately – comparicitus. What exactly is that I hear you ask...? It’s a term I’ve coined to describe the tendency to measure one’s own achievements and life progress against those of others. It’s that nagging feeling of inadequacy that creeps in when we see the accomplishments of our peers and feel that we should be at a similar stage in life. I’ve observed this behaviour not only in myself but also in my partner, and I’ve come to realise that it’s more common than we think.
Upon delving into this concept, I’ve discovered that this feeling is not unique to me or my partner. In fact, it’s often referred to as constant comparison disorder, an obsession with comparing oneself to others. This phenomenon has become increasingly prevalent in the age of social media, where we are bombarded with carefully curated snapshots of others’ live, leading us inadvertently to compare our journey to theirs.
I’ve personally experienced the detrimental effects of comparicitus, especially when faced with the financial pressures of other’s life events such as weddings. The societal expectations of reaching certain milestones, coupled with the unavoidable costs of participating in these events, can exacerbate the feeling of falling behind. It’s a struggle that many of us face, particularly in the face of rising living expenses and the ever-present stream of engagements, weddings, births and other significant life events.
One instance that brought this issue to the forefront of my mind was when I found myself grappling with the financial strain of being a bridesmaid for a dear friend. Despite the joy of being part of her special day, the financial burden left me feeling conflicted. This experience made me acutely aware of the delicate balance between celebrating with loved ones and managing personal financial responsibilities. As subsequent wedding invitations and engagement announcements continued to roll in, I found myself grappling with the dilemma of how to navigate these situations without comprising my own financial well-being. It became clear to me that that I needed to find a way to prioritise my own financial stability while still being present for those I care about.
Amid these reflections, I stumbled upon a quote by Theodore Roosevelt that resonated deeply with me: “Comparison is the thief of joy”. It served as a poignant reminder to me our happiness should not be contingent on how our lives measure up to those of others. The realisation prompted me to acknowledge that I am often better at guiding others through similar challenges than I am at applying the same wisdom to my own life. (And yes, I’m aware I’ve written this blog on a page for Financial Planners and Trainees. I’ll be ringing you next time this dilemma comes around).
In conclusion, comparicitus is a real and pervasive phenomenon that many of us grapple with, especially in today’s interconnected world. It’s a reminder that we should strive to celebrate our own journey without constantly measuring it against the perceived success of others. As I continue to navigate the complexities of comparicitus, I am to cultivate the mindset that prioritises personal wellbeing while still cherishing the milestones of those around me.
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