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Back in 2008, Sheryl Sandberg spent a couple of months in regular meetings with Mark Zuckerberg, talking about the future and vision of Facebook. It wasn’t long before she was offered the role of Chief Operating Officer for the rapidly growing platform. In her book Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead, Sandberg remembers how her husband and brother-in-law were baffled by her willingness to accept the very first offer. They pointed out that Zuckerberg would fully expect her to negotiate—and to do so confidently.
At their next meeting, Sheryl calmly laid out what she wanted and stated firmly: “This is the only time you and I will ever be on opposite sides of the table.” Not surprisingly, Zuckerberg came back the next day with a much better offer.
The question is—how did a woman as accomplished as Sheryl, a Harvard graduate and former Google VP, need reminding that no man would accept the first offer without question? Why should she? She reflects in her book: “I then thought to myself, I felt like I needed a reason to justify asking for more. And the data supports this—men negotiate as a given, no apologies. For women, there’s this feeling that we need to explain ourselves. Why can’t we simply want more for ourselves too?”
This internal tug-of-war is all too familiar for many of us—accepting a fair offer, not wanting to ‘cause a fuss’, or being worried about being labelled difficult. But what if we could see negotiation as a professional skill, rather than a personal demand? How can women confidently, calmly and professionally advocate for themselves in those crucial 1-to-1s, especially when the topic is pay?
Understanding Your Value in Financial Services
Know your market worth: Before any negotiation, you need to understand what’s standard for your role in the current market. This isn’t about guessing a number—it’s about doing your homework. Research salary benchmarks so your request is evidence-based, not plucked from thin air. Websites like Glassdoor, LinkedIn job ads and the Recruit UK Salary Guide (updated annually) are all excellent places to start.
Take stock of your contributions: Similar to updating your CV before job hunting, it’s worth keeping a running list of your recent achievements. Think about awards you’ve won, successful projects you’ve led, times you’ve taken the initiative, or client relationships you’ve strengthened. Having these examples to hand makes it easier to demonstrate your value on the spot.
Preparing for the Negotiation
Set clear goals: Decide upfront what you want—whether that’s a target salary, an improved benefits package, or flexible working. Be prepared to ask for slightly more than you expect, leaving room for negotiation. It’s a dance, not a demand.
Practice makes permanent: This isn’t the time to just ‘wing it’. A well-prepared conversation comes across as professional and confident. Rehearse your key points—either by recording yourself or getting honest feedback from trusted colleagues.
Be open to alternatives: A pay rise isn’t the only way to feel valued. If budgets are tight, other options—like additional annual leave, professional development funding, or performance bonuses—might be on the table.
Understand your company’s situation: Timing matters. If your firm’s going through cutbacks or a difficult period, a hefty pay rise might be unrealistic. In those cases, you could negotiate a review in 6 months instead or discuss alternative perks. Whatever you agree—get it in writing.
The Meeting: Communicating with Confidence and Professionalism
Lead with positivity: The way you open sets the tone for the whole conversation. This isn’t about demanding more money—it’s about demonstrating your value and showing why investing in you benefits the business.
Start with appreciation: “I really enjoy my role and being part of the team.”
Frame it as a shared goal: “I’d like to chat about how my role has evolved and how my work supports the firm’s wider objectives.”
Emphasise your commitment: “I’m keen to continue developing here and I’d like to explore how my pay could better reflect the contribution I’m making.”
Stick to facts, not feelings: Managers respond best to clear evidence, not emotional appeals. When you reviewed your contributions, you should have identified concrete results you’ve delivered. Now’s the time to turn those into numbers. For example:
“Since stepping into this role, I’ve managed 15 high-net-worth clients, increasing assets under management by 25% and generating an additional £100k in revenue.”
“I introduced an automated compliance reporting process, reducing manual work by 40% and cutting costs by £30k per year.”
Stay open and flexible: These conversations are rarely one-and-done. Your manager may need time to review budgets or consult senior leaders. That’s fine—but don’t let the conversation disappear.
Ask for feedback: “If a pay rise isn’t possible right now, what would you need to see from me over the next 6 months to revisit this?”
Suggest a follow-up: “Shall we schedule a check-in in three months to revisit the conversation?”
Know when to park it: Sometimes, no matter how well-prepared you are, the answer is still no. If that happens, handle it gracefully. Thank them for their time, reflect on the feedback, and use it to strengthen your case for next time. The professional way you respond will leave a lasting impression—and could make your next conversation more successful.
Employers—Creating a Culture Where Pay Conversations Aren’t Taboo
If you’re an employer, retaining talented women means making sure they feel comfortable discussing pay. Too often, employees quietly leave for better-paid roles instead of initiating that conversation.
Be transparent about progression:Employees thrive when they see a clear route to career progression. Make it obvious what’s required to earn a pay rise or promotion, so no one’s left guessing.
Normalise salary conversations:Pay transparency builds trust. When employees understand how salaries are set, they feel more valued. Consider publishing clear salary bands for each role and level. Train managers to handle these conversations constructively so they become routine, not awkward.
Mentorship and sponsorship matter:A Harvard Business Review study in 2019 found women consistently underrate their own performance compared to equally performing men. As an employer, proactively spotting and championing talented women can be game-changing for their careers.
Structured mentoring schemes, like those offered by FFEM, help connect women with senior leaders who can offer advice and guidance. And leaders should go one step further—acting as sponsors, not just mentors—by actively putting women forward for high-profile projects and leadership roles.
When a Pay Rise Isn’t Possible
There will be times when, for business reasons, a pay rise simply isn’t on the table. In these cases, clear and honest communication is key. Be upfront with your employee about the situation, but also show a willingness to work together to find solutions that work for both sides.
If you recognise that the employee’s request was justified, it’s important to acknowledge that. Even if a pay rise isn’t possible right now, you should explore other ways to show their value is recognised—whether that’s through additional development opportunities, flexible working arrangements, or agreeing a clear plan for a future review.
Most importantly, make sure they leave the conversation feeling heard, respected, and valued. Ignoring or dismissing the request altogether risks losing a talented team member further down the line.
In Summary
Negotiating pay isn’t about arrogance—it’s about professional self-advocacy. And for employers, fostering a workplace where pay discussions are open and constructive is good for morale and good for business. When talented women feel valued, they don’t just stick around—they thrive. And that’s the kind of return on investment no business can afford to ignore.
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